Variety is the Spice of Life…
It turns out that Australia has the nastiest snakes literally in the entire universe. Additionally, the rules about vertical pupils and triangular heads don’t apply over there. Some of the deadliest sort in Australia would seem completely benign over here. Just thinking about it gives me the willies.
The common death adder is fairly self-explanatory. You don’t earn a name like “common death adder” by being extra cuddly and good around kids. This diabolical monster runs about three feet in length and looks like Satan’s psychotic nephew.
The eastern brown snake seems pretty unremarkable, except that it employs the second-most potent snake venom on the planet and grows to be seven freaking feet long. It is also notoriously grouchy and ill-tempered. Were I an early explorer, I don’t think it would matter had Australia stood calf-deep in diamonds. As soon as I realized these seven-foot-long malevolent death machines populated the place, I would have packed it in and gone home.
The lowlands copperhead looks nothing like the North American copperhead. This lightweight tops out at a paltry five feet but still employs a postsynaptic neurotoxin that kills you by shutting your nervous system down so you can’t breathe. What makes the lowlands copperhead so remarkable is its resistance to cold. Unlike regular reptiles, these guys are still active above the snow line. The normal rules about where snakes can live don’t seem to apply. When Elon Musk finally sets foot on Mars, he will probably be messily devoured by a huge herd of spacefaring Australian lowlands copperheads.
And then there is the inland taipan, literally the deadliest snake in the world. This thing is proof positive that mother nature does not think overkill is a real thing. This ghastly monster, though purportedly shy, grows to more than eight feet long. The venom in a single bite is adequate to kill 100 grown men. Seriously, what is up with that?
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