Nearly every Monday morning we start a new class here at Thunder Ranch. With that start, there is almost always a first-timer at the Ranch who has attended no-small number of courses at other schools. We kindly refer to these new first-timers as “gun camp junkies.” All is usually well until we go to the range and the staff and I are exposed to the newest in “gunfightin’” techniques.
In a recent class, several of the junkies demonstrated “the pistol rolled sideways muzzle tucked into their groin technique.” It’s got a name but we won’t honor it here. In this position, the muzzle points at their crotch and feet, and I was pointedly advised the “gun at my crotch thing” was used by SWAT-type guys. This technique, it seems, was for working around each other and when doing cross over and button-hook door entries and such. After pointing out the shortcomings of pointing the muzzle at the tool of their ability to reproduce life, we proceeded— and were met with yet more surprises.
Next, our new friends showed us the “bodyguard with their back to the bad man” technique. The response was to draw, bend over at the waist and shoot the pistol upside down. After the initial first round response, a stand-up swivel at the waist and shoot over the shoulder shot was delivered. This was followed by a gyration and a jump to the left, shoot, jump to the right, shoot, and then dart to kneeling and shoot. Slightly stunned I asked what this whirling dervish dance was about? I was promptly told the jumping bean thing was to be used to “protect principles and make the bodyguard hard to hit by incoming fire.”
Uh, huh.
They asked me what I thought about it all and I asked them what their true, everyday professions were. “Banking and computers” were the chirped replies. Hum, I was slightly confused. Without drawing a breath their next statement was approximately: “This stuff is really cool, you know, all the jumping running and gunning.” Duly noted.
But here’s a thought: Why not simply quit your dance, turn around — and shoot the cause of the problem?
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