Evolution in Action
The world has changed a great deal since 1986, and MREs changed right along with it. There are now 18 different varieties. Modern iterations are varied, tasty and culturally sensitive. There are vegetarian versions as well as the kosher and halal sort. Additionally, each and every meal comes with a neat Flameless Ration Heater (FRH).
This may seem a small thing. It’s not. For the first time in human history, the U.S. military can avail its soldiers of three hot meals a day, anywhere in the world. To use these heaters, you slide the entrée into a plastic pouch and pour in a little water. Fold the top of the pouch over and slip it back into the cardboard container that originally held your entrée. Then, according to the pictograph directions, you lean the whole shebang against a “Rock or Something.” I actually saw one vet who had that diagram tattooed onto his leg. I’m not big on tattoos myself, but that one was undeniably epic.
These flameless heaters also gave off some kind of gas. You could crunch one up, mash it into a water bottle, pour in a little water, and then replace the cap to create a fairly decent DIY bomb. Toss that bad boy underneath a buddy while he’s sleeping or into a porta-john during his quality time and be ready for some top-flight comedy. You can take the boys out of second grade, but you’ll never take the second grade out of the boys.
Modern MREs also include an adorable little bottle of Tabasco sauce. This stuff adds a little flavor to an otherwise bland dining experience. You can also dribble that stuff onto the Yukon stove in your buddy’s tent in the arctic and create poor man’s tear gas. See previous comment about the sophomoric nature of the human male.
I once popped open a fresh case of MREs in the desert only to find one of them swollen up like a big brown toad. With great trepidation, I gently carried it outside the company area and buried it. One of my grunt buddies suggested using it as a pillow. Had it burst, however, the resulting fumes most likely would have killed me outright.
Read the full article here