Westward Ho…
Wikipedia claims that armadillos first migrated up from Central America across the Rio Grande about a zillion years ago. They were first identified in South Texas in 1854. There are lots of different kinds, but the nine-banded sort is the only species endemic to North America today. The Mississippi River physically stopped their relentless march east. And there things would have remained ad infinitem had it not been for a handful of strategic bridges.
The first bridge across the Mississippi River was erected in 1856 and connected Rock Island, Illinois, and Davenport, Iowa. Nowadays, there are around 120 bridges spanning the mighty Mississippi. At some point, some pioneering armadillo must have taken the leap.
I can visualize the scene. The youngest, strongest, most adventurous of the lot loiters around the western bridge abutment screwing up his courage. The lady armadillos are shamelessly fawning over him, admiring his pioneering spirit, fearless attitude, massive claws and stringy homeless person hair. When the time is right, he takes off down the elevated roadway, scampering for dear life.
About a third of the way across, he runs afoul of a station wagon driven by an accountant from Atlanta heading west to meet his in-laws for vacation in Hot Springs, Arkansas. The car bounces slightly, and the 6-year-old daughter squeals in disgust. Her 10-year-old brother secretly hopes some of the pureed beast splashed up onto the fenders so he could enjoy it later. Throughout it all, Dad just counts the minutes until they get there. Meanwhile, back at the abutment, the armadillo clan draws straws to see who goes next.
Eventually, somebody clearly made it across with his testicles intact. As a result, today, we now enjoy genetic homogeneity among armadillo clans across our mighty republic. And to think it all stemmed from those first few fearless pioneers.
Subscribe To American Handgunner
Read the full article here